You’re an amazing writer Nimila, this poem is vulnerable and beautiful in the fact it’s a story of you and experiences that had a part in shaping you, I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with so much hurt.
I waited to read this piece until I had a quiet enough moment it deserved. I sat with you in this moment and felt you deeply. I can relate to carrying shame..its something that buries into your cells and doesnt leave easily..It also made me remember childhood memories of mine that feel like someone elses life, memories can be strange like that …I enjoy hearing your voice in your writing Nimila 😌🌹♥️ raw and visceral, which in my opinion is the best way to be and to write
Thank you for witnessing and feeling this one so deeply. We all go through the same spectacle from different angles, I see you and I hear you. ❤️ Thank you for reading.
Blown away Nimila, truly. This is so so strong. Poor child , horrific experiences at such a tender vulnerable age...I can't begin to imagine. You poured your whole self into this.
Your writing though, seriously amazing.. solid powerful...I don't know what else to say. Thank you for sharing this with us 💜💜💜
So powerful Nimila, and so effective. As a reader I feel as if I am bearing witness in the moment, and I want to intervene. These lines: "The spectacle goes back in time. it still goes on. for many of us." resonates deeply for me as a survivor of childhood trauma. There is an extent to which the past lives alongside of us in perpetuity, in a relationship that alters but does not end. Thank you for sharing this portion of your story, for demonstrating the value in vulnerability. I'm so sorry that you endured these painful experiences.
Thank you for allowing us to be a witness to your story! While I can't fully understand your experience my son has selective mutism so I can understand how hard it is to be forced to speak.
Thank you so much for staying with this one. I kinda hate speaking; I've always been on the taciturn side. Still learning to get my voice heard out there. Thank you for reading and holding space here. It means so much.
My mother baked me a cake, a pink, iced, numeral five with marshmallows in the shape of flowers. She brought it to school for me to share with all of my (non-existent) school friends. They laughed at her. They laughed at me. They ate the cake.
I loved this piece of writing for its visceral qualities, its perfect roundness, its clarity and simplicity in describing a complex of scars (and wounds).
This is incredible. The way you use white space and font is visceral. I could feel the tension and vulnerability of little you. I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing. Instant follow.
If I could I’d show little black Mary the black Madonnas I tracked down all over Europe over decades before the internet, the holiest of images of the Mother. It’s said they are perhaps connected to centres where Isis was venerated in places where the earth speaks. I haven’t been to Mexico or Africa (except one day stopovers by ship ) but they all resonate with the 12ft black Kali I visited in Tamil Nadu, India. There I could lay marigolds at her feet. 💚
That's incredible, Vivien. Many readers have reached out via DM to share with me their memories and pictures of the Mother across different cultures, countries and religions. It was so heartwarming. Feel free to connect as well, no pressure though. I would love to witness such sacredness once in my life too 🤍
Thank you for sharing such a powerful and vulnerable piece with us that flowed so well throughout. I felt every word you wrote in this poem and I can already tell your words will stay with me for a long while.
You’re an amazing writer Nimila, this poem is vulnerable and beautiful in the fact it’s a story of you and experiences that had a part in shaping you, I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with so much hurt.
That's so kind of you, thank you so much for reading and holding space here.
black Maria,
oh, black sheep -
they can’t tame you
they can’t even tell
you’re hurting
shunken
sunken
salty
tears
they can’t even tell it -
but you’re almost not here
dark Maria.
sublime ❤️
I waited to read this piece until I had a quiet enough moment it deserved. I sat with you in this moment and felt you deeply. I can relate to carrying shame..its something that buries into your cells and doesnt leave easily..It also made me remember childhood memories of mine that feel like someone elses life, memories can be strange like that …I enjoy hearing your voice in your writing Nimila 😌🌹♥️ raw and visceral, which in my opinion is the best way to be and to write
Thank you so much for reading and engaging, Noor. The power of our voices have been shaped by experiences like this one. It was time to be shared.
I’m sitting with this for a minute.
you can feel how young you were in it… and how much you had to carry.
I see you.
I know something about being turned into something people project onto instead of being seen fully human.
different, but I feel that thread. 🫂
Thank you for witnessing and feeling this one so deeply. We all go through the same spectacle from different angles, I see you and I hear you. ❤️ Thank you for reading.
Oh man. The way this made me cry. You’ve communicated/expressed the deep dehumanising cut of these experiences very effectively.
Thank you so much, dear. Didn’t mean to make you cry, but I’m moved it was felt this way. Thank you for reading.
Blown away Nimila, truly. This is so so strong. Poor child , horrific experiences at such a tender vulnerable age...I can't begin to imagine. You poured your whole self into this.
Your writing though, seriously amazing.. solid powerful...I don't know what else to say. Thank you for sharing this with us 💜💜💜
Thank you so much Willow, this one being felt means a lot. Really appreciate you reading it.
Always Nimila..I am very happy to have found your voice here and discovered how your style of writing makes your experiences come to life 💖
Your courage to share gives me courage too. 🧡
I am so honored, really. We are here, waiting to hear your story. Thank you so much for reading.
Your writing is immense, Nimila. Powerful and heartbreaking, so much love to you 💘
Thank you so much Suzie, it truly means a lot.
💕💕💕
So powerful Nimila, and so effective. As a reader I feel as if I am bearing witness in the moment, and I want to intervene. These lines: "The spectacle goes back in time. it still goes on. for many of us." resonates deeply for me as a survivor of childhood trauma. There is an extent to which the past lives alongside of us in perpetuity, in a relationship that alters but does not end. Thank you for sharing this portion of your story, for demonstrating the value in vulnerability. I'm so sorry that you endured these painful experiences.
Thank you so much Christa for reading and engaging with it. It truly means a lot to me. As you say, we learn to live alongside our past.
Thank you for allowing us to be a witness to your story! While I can't fully understand your experience my son has selective mutism so I can understand how hard it is to be forced to speak.
Thank you so much for staying with this one. I kinda hate speaking; I've always been on the taciturn side. Still learning to get my voice heard out there. Thank you for reading and holding space here. It means so much.
Always! 🥰
POWERFUL! I’m sorry for your experience and the pain you still bear.
truly means a lot, thank you so much for reading.
Absolutely!
Yeow.
My mother baked me a cake, a pink, iced, numeral five with marshmallows in the shape of flowers. She brought it to school for me to share with all of my (non-existent) school friends. They laughed at her. They laughed at me. They ate the cake.
I loved this piece of writing for its visceral qualities, its perfect roundness, its clarity and simplicity in describing a complex of scars (and wounds).
This is incredible. The way you use white space and font is visceral. I could feel the tension and vulnerability of little you. I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing. Instant follow.
Thank you so much, I’m honored you could feel deeply through my words. I’m happy to connect with you 💕
I can’t imagine why people unsubscribed after Black Mary was posted Nimila I’d subscribe six times if I could. 💚🌺
You are the kindest, Vivien ❤️ I don’t mind letting them go till I have precious readers like you that hold everything with the utmost care. 🌸
If I could I’d show little black Mary the black Madonnas I tracked down all over Europe over decades before the internet, the holiest of images of the Mother. It’s said they are perhaps connected to centres where Isis was venerated in places where the earth speaks. I haven’t been to Mexico or Africa (except one day stopovers by ship ) but they all resonate with the 12ft black Kali I visited in Tamil Nadu, India. There I could lay marigolds at her feet. 💚
That's incredible, Vivien. Many readers have reached out via DM to share with me their memories and pictures of the Mother across different cultures, countries and religions. It was so heartwarming. Feel free to connect as well, no pressure though. I would love to witness such sacredness once in my life too 🤍
It’s 3am here and all these experiences just came rushing up through my body.. I may connect by DM but right now sleep would be a blessing🥱
no worries, sweet dreams 💖🌸
Thank you. ☺️
Hey Nimila your work is just amazing
There is a say
" Only tough times can make or completely break a person"
Thanks for sharing and keep writing 💫
Thank you for sharing such a powerful and vulnerable piece with us that flowed so well throughout. I felt every word you wrote in this poem and I can already tell your words will stay with me for a long while.
Really appreciate your thoughts. Thank you so much for reading.